Pilgrims

I'm settling and I hate it! It's not so much by choice right now but I don't really know what to do... I don't want to give up what I have but I'm not 100% happy with it either... Gosh this sucks!

Writing

I always tell myself to write it down but to be honest I think I don't do that because by writing it I have to deeply think about it. Acknowledge that it's real and that it exists. When it leaves my head I can no longer deny that it's real or prevent myself from thinking and ultimately dealing with it... Maybe then writing it down would be better, maybe I'd get through this and stop pretending it doesn't exist... I don't really know what to do about it but I guess until I figure that out I'll just keep dealing with it...

Champagne Before Breakfast

WELL, IT'S STILL
TOO EARLY
 
TO GO TO TIFFANY'S.
 
I GUESS
THE NEXT BEST THING
 
IS A DRINK.
 
YES, I VERY MUCH
NEED A DRINK.
 
BUY ME ONE,
FRED, DARLING?
 
SURE.
 
ONLY PROMISE ME
ONE THING--
 
DON'T TAKE ME HOME
UNTIL I'M DRUNK...
 
UNTIL I'M VERY
DRUNK, INDEED.

SO, MY DARLING FRED,
 
I HAVE TONIGHT MADE
A VERY SERIOUS DECISION.
 
AND WHAT IS THAT?
 
NO LONGER WILL I
PLAY THE FIELD.
 
CONGRATULATIONS.
 
THE FIELD STINKS,
 
BOTH ECONOMICALLY
AND SOCIALLY,
 
AND I'M GIVING IT UP.

Studying is like student and dying put together...

I need to be studying but its been way too long since I've been here. I'd much rather write a bunch of things... how I thought things were getting better... how they clearly aren't... Well I'll come back and write something. Something that means something... Until then, I have to study!

Explore Modeling - TINte Cosmetics: Kyli Millender

Explore Modeling - TINte Cosmetics: Kyli Millender

Implode

For once I thought things were starting to get better and then it's like everything is crashing down around me. I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. I've been busting my ass on my homework, reading for all of my classes before class! I'm trying my best. I've been sick, I've had anxiety... For once I thought I found something that people thought I did well and it turns out thats false. It'd be cool if this totally wasn't happening right now. I don't how much harder I'm supposed to push myself but I guess harder than I am now... Lets hope nothing snaps in half.

Rain

Casablanca or maybe Breakfast at Tiffany's, if my life were like a movie I think things would probably be a whole lot more interesting. 

 I'm dreading for the rain to start. Its not just the rain I hate, the wetness, the cold. Its not that, its the gray. I hate when the world is just gray. I wake up in the morning to a gray sky and it automatically makes it a gray day with a gray mood. I hate those days!

 Rain can be fun though. I like to run and dance in the rain. If you didnt know me when you saw it you might thing I was a crazy, but who knows, maybe I am.

 These pictures make me not as afraid of the rainy season. They kind of put a fun spin on rain and show that it isnt always gray. Too bad here it usually is...

Ah, this makes me miss San Diego so much! Even when it rained there it was still nice. Probably because it only rained maybe one month out of the year and that was pushing it. I always wonder if I would have stayed there. I cant let myself do the what-if game though. It just spins me in circles until I'm dizzy enough to fall down. Its all happened and I cant change it now. Just have to look forward and make the best of what I've already done...